


Impulse Control

by LavenderMochi, thedancingstorm



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Imagery, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, I mean it's Remus we're talking about here, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Self-Harm, Whump, consent is important kids, graphic content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2020-08-11 19:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderMochi/pseuds/LavenderMochi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedancingstorm/pseuds/thedancingstorm
Summary: Remus can't make himself stop. Not when he has an obsession.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are dark themes in this story! Please read the tags!

Logan wasn't noticing.

Logan wasn't noticing and Remus _needed_ him to. Logan had control. Logan could stop him when his thoughts got too much, when his fixations grew to obsessions. But Logan wasn't noticing.

Remus couldn't control his impulses. He couldn't ignore it.

Remus's new obsession was pain.

The impulse felt like thousands of tiny little bugs were crawling under his skin. It made him scratch and scratch until his skin was raw and broken, drawing blood which collected behind his nails. He knew it was bad, but he couldn't stop. It felt so good, so satisfying.

He was losing control.

_That's okay, just one more little scratch, __o__nly until there__'s__ blood. Then I'll stop_.

Logan didn't notice.

Soon, the scratching wasn't enough, especially when he ran out of fresh skin to ruin.

Remus wondered if Logan would notice if he used a knife. He knew it was bad, but he couldn't stop thinking of the ways the knife sliced and stabbed his body.

He liked cutting his stomach and running the knife's teeth across his abdominal muscles until he couldn't breathe. He liked watching the tip of the knife pierce through the palm of his hand and the thin part of his arms. He liked cutting away chunks of his thighs to see how much he could take away before he passed out.

The blood stained his creamy skin like wine and tasted like metal. But it wasn't enough, either.

Logan didn't notice.

He knew it was bad. Even as he swung a mallet to his kneecap again and again until it was shattered beyond repair. Even as he peeled open his chest to touch and feel the organs inside. Even as the rope around his neck crushed his windpipe. Even as his eyes were so swollen with tears and his voice was hoarse from screaming.

_Why am I doing this? Why can't I stop_? Remus thought. He brought down a dull blade to the knuckle of his finger. There was a sickening thunk and the finger was free from his hand. Remus laughed and then he cried, shaking. _I want to stop. I want to- I'll __just __cut off one more finger. Then I'll stop_.

One finger turned to two. Two fingers turned to three. Remus brought down the blade again and again, messily chopping off his fingers one by one. When he couldn't feel his entire arm, Remus stopped, folding up his fingerless hand—it barely was a hand anymore—into his chest and sobbed. But laughed. Then sobbed. And screamed.

It was so bad, but it was so good. He couldn't stop. Logan could make him stop. He couldn't stop.

"Remus?"

Remus gasped breathlessly at the voice. "Logan."

A pair of wide brown eyes stared at him hollowly through thick lenses. "Oh, Remus. I'm sorry."

"I can't- I can't stop it," Remus said, shaking. He showed Logan his hand, whose expression didn't shift, but paled. "I can't control myself. Logan- please- help-"

Logan was suddenly beside Remus. He cradled Remus's head in one hand, his slender fingers weaved into Remus's mussed hair. With the other, he took Remus's mutilated appendage and examined it. His expression was still frozen partly in horror, but his eyes were starting to water.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Logan said. Logan brought the bloody, fingerless hand to his lips, pressing a small kiss onto its palm. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't stop you. I didn't-" Logan's voice caught in his throat. "I didn't know."

"I want to do it so bad, Logan. It's so good. But I can't stop."

He reached for the dull blade which was on the ground with his one good hand, but Logan was quick to grab his wrist.

"Remus, enough," Logan said, nearly choking on his own tears. "Stop."

The knife slid out of Remus's hand, Remus's jaw slacked. He was ready to scream again. Logan put his hand behind Remus's head and pressed it to his shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around Remus.

Remus just let his tears fall. "I want you to notice me..." Logan pet Remus's head. Remus held up his fingerless hand. He looked at it. It made Remus burst into tears. "If you don't, I... I can't control." Remus rubbed his head in Logan's shoulder. "You make me stop doing the bad. Even if it's so good."

Logan let go, and took Remus's messed up hand and kissed a finger stump. Then another, then another. He did it for all five fingers. Remus pulled away. He then jumped on Logan, kissing him roughly. Logan moaned and melted into the kiss, the sound making shivers run up Remus's spine. He couldn't keep his hands away from roaming Logan's body.

Remus spoke into Logan's neck, his breath hot, "I can't stop, Logan. Please- please-"

Logan's hand found Remus's cheeks and he crushed his lips onto Remus's. Pulling back, eyes fluttering behind his glasses and his breath shallow, he said, "I don't want you to stop. Not this time." He kissed Remus again and sighed in thought. "However...perhaps I should. I need to tend to your wounds, first."

"No," Remus said, "Later." Logan was about to protest, but Remus nipped at his neck, causing a sharp inhale to come from him. "Please. Please, Logan."

Logan huffed. "Fine. Alright. As long as you're okay."

Remus's dark eyes focused on Logan and he smiled. "With you, I think I can be."

Logan smiled, too. "Good."


	2. It's a fake chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was some intrulogical. Now it has some intuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can add a chapter. I'm not even the original poster. Here you go lads, some intuality i wrote in five minutes. -thedancingstorm

Remus felt ignored. Patton was ignoring him.

It made sense that Patton was ignoring him. Remus would always say the darnest things. And Patton didn't appreciate all his great ideas.

Especially the ideas of his sexual desires. 

The ideas started out small at first. Just a small peck on the lips. Maybe a little lick of the lips. Remus tried his best to flirt and to say exactly what he wanted to do.

Patton ignored him.

That's when the thoughts got worse. Getting ignored made the intrusive thoughts louder and bigger. 

So it got to Remus imagining Patton ripping his shirt off. Maybe it still involved licking. Maybe they'd be kissing with tongues. Remus would be in complete bliss.

But Patton continued to ignore him.

It wasn't getting any more pleasant. What was Remus suppose to do? He wanted to be dominated! He wanted Patton to take his wrists and slam him against the kitchen counter and rip his clothes off and kiss him and-

Ignored. Ignored. Ignored! IGNORED!

"Remus?" A soft voice interrupted his thoughts. Remus, on his knees, gripping the kitchen counter, looks up to who it was. Of course it was who he was thinking about. Patton.

And darn it did Patton look great standing above Remus like that. Remus wanted to submit right then and there. He was just waiting for orders.

Oh no. No release. Patton knelt in front of him. 

"Remus, why are you crying?" he asked softly. Why? Didn't Patton hate him? 

Patton gently placed his hand on Remus's cheek. 

"I want you to kiss me," Remus said. Darn it if he had to wait. Patton was in charge. 

Patton giggled. And good thing for Remus, because it wasn't a teasing giggle. At least it didn't sound like it was. 

"Alright." He leaned in and kissed Remus. Remus did not wait, and returned it roughly. Patton slid his tongue into Remus's mouth. Remus made a delighted sound. 

Remus did not stop himself when his hands flew to Patton's body. And Patton didn't stop him either. So he went for it, and slithered his hands under Patton's shirt. Patton had both his hands cupping Remus's cheeks. He moved on from kissing his lips to kissing his neck and around. Patton moved so he was straddling Remus's legs. Remus didn't want to be sitting up, so he started to lay down. Patton moved with him, so Remus assumed he could continue. 

It was getting heated and Remus loved that.

Suddenly, Patton stopped kissing him and looked into his eyes.

"Is this what you want?" Patton asked.

"Yes!" Remus replied breathlessly. But by how Patton was wording it, it seemed like he didn't want that. "Why are you doing this? Do you want to?" Remus asked back. He didn't want to get Patton to do what he didn't want to do. Because Remus wouldn't enjoy it as much if his partner wasn't willing. 

"Yes. I do want to." That relieved Remus very much. It was like a drug. 

"Th- then continue," Remus requested, shaking with anticipation.

Patton raised his eyebrows. "What's the magic word?"

Oh. This. This was exactly what Remus was fantasizing about. 

"Please!" He was desperate now.

"On the kitchen floor?" Oh was Patton teasing him??

"Yes"

"Alright."

And they did. Thank goodness, too.

The thoughts could be quiet for just a moment more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu
> 
> I wrote right on ao3. And completely destroyed the fanfiction. (Lav said that usually the first chapter is the worst then it gets progressively better. But with this.... It's the opposite. Lol)   
Lav: yes i did but as a joKE
> 
> I didn't even edit it...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, Thedancingstorm, for writing the last part of this story! <3


End file.
